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 Customer Reviews
I no longer felt alone, 27 Jul 2008
The first chapter of this book made me cry... for the first time in years I felt that I was not alone and that someone else understood my problem.
The book is very balanced in its view and is very suitable for both couples (if you can get your other half to read it.. mine wouldnt!) but I would say that it is slightly biased towards the man being the "sex starved" partner.
Subsequently the author has written "The sex starved wife" which is much more specialised for women. Again.. that book is also very balanced.. but wow.. its amazing to know that youre not alone in this!
This book didnt solve my problems but it did help me understand that im not alone, also it gave me an insight into how my partner was feeling and why he might be behaving in this way.
I would thoroughly recommend this book for anyone who has a partner who has given up on the physical side of their relationship.
thumbs up!, 10 Jul 2007
I only got this book yesterday but i spent about half an hour reading bits from different sections. I already feel a bit happier and know that this is the sort of book that can help as it is written in such a friendly, homely way, that makes you feel cared for. The author also shares her own experiences of this sort of problem. I look forward to reading the book properly and also sharing it with my bf!
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Customer Reviews
I no longer felt alone, 27 Jul 2008
The first chapter of this book made me cry... for the first time in years I felt that I was not alone and that someone else understood my problem.
The book is very balanced in its view and is very suitable for both couples (if you can get your other half to read it.. mine wouldnt!) but I would say that it is slightly biased towards the man being the "sex starved" partner.
Subsequently the author has written "The sex starved wife" which is much more specialised for women. Again.. that book is also very balanced.. but wow.. its amazing to know that youre not alone in this!
This book didnt solve my problems but it did help me understand that im not alone, also it gave me an insight into how my partner was feeling and why he might be behaving in this way.
I would thoroughly recommend this book for anyone who has a partner who has given up on the physical side of their relationship.
thumbs up!, 10 Jul 2007
I only got this book yesterday but i spent about half an hour reading bits from different sections. I already feel a bit happier and know that this is the sort of book that can help as it is written in such a friendly, homely way, that makes you feel cared for. The author also shares her own experiences of this sort of problem. I look forward to reading the book properly and also sharing it with my bf!
Read before you drop ya sprog and potentially save your marriage, 10 Aug 2008
This book was recommended to me as something to read before I gave birth. I am so glad I did because it made me understand in a light and humerous way why I reacted completely differently to things to do with the baby, from the way my partner did. If I hadn't have read this book I may have gladly walked out on my husband on a few occasions but thankfully this book made me realise he wasn't an uncaring monster just he was programmed differently to me. I think this is an incredibly important book to read if like me you don't have family to take you aside and warn you of what can happen to your marriage once a a baby arrives. Although saying that I have leant this to a few married friends that were having problems and since reading this book those problems ahve got a heck of a lot better for them.
confirmation that I am normal and not insane!, 04 Feb 2008
This book has saved my sanity and brought me back from the edge of dispair! Who knew that so many other women feel the same way when they become mummies!!! This book echos the rants and moans of all my friends with babies, and it is a gentle reassurance that what you go through with a new baby is completely normal, and men, generally, are all the same! This is one of the best books I have read about parenting / babies etc and will bring a smile to your face if nothing else!
I thought it was great, 26 Jun 2007
It touches on important subjects like the great divide between how men and women view life and marriage and children. It should not put you off having children because all of us know that it is worth all the effort. And isn't something that is written to help us through the troughs worthy of some commendation?
Well done girls. I personally think you did a great job.
Enough to put you off having children!, 23 May 2007
As a mum of an 8yr old son, we are planning our second child and thought I'd buy this book and try things differently this time round. And as I have an 8yr + age gap between my first born and our next child I felt a bit stale with "what to expect" (in a way)and want to feel more prepared this time round!
However I have to be honest and say - that even though this book is written with a great sense of humour, I am really glad I didn't read this book before having my first child. I personally found it to be enough to put anyone off having children, in the fear that it is worded in a way that your relationship is bound to be wrecked!
Yes, having children can be very stressful on your relationship with lots of arguements along the way. But I feel that your book goes a bit overboard and makes motherhood sound like an absolute nightmare! Well it isn't.
Pretty good advice, 21 May 2007
Although it's nothing you can't find out on relationship websites this book is pretty good, concise, easy reading for the busy mums out there. Lots of good information in a good easy format, written with a touch of comedy. Full of good advice, anecdotes and tips - I'd recommend giving it a shot.
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Customer Reviews
I no longer felt alone, 27 Jul 2008
The first chapter of this book made me cry... for the first time in years I felt that I was not alone and that someone else understood my problem.
The book is very balanced in its view and is very suitable for both couples (if you can get your other half to read it.. mine wouldnt!) but I would say that it is slightly biased towards the man being the "sex starved" partner.
Subsequently the author has written "The sex starved wife" which is much more specialised for women. Again.. that book is also very balanced.. but wow.. its amazing to know that youre not alone in this!
This book didnt solve my problems but it did help me understand that im not alone, also it gave me an insight into how my partner was feeling and why he might be behaving in this way.
I would thoroughly recommend this book for anyone who has a partner who has given up on the physical side of their relationship. thumbs up!, 10 Jul 2007
I only got this book yesterday but i spent about half an hour reading bits from different sections. I already feel a bit happier and know that this is the sort of book that can help as it is written in such a friendly, homely way, that makes you feel cared for. The author also shares her own experiences of this sort of problem. I look forward to reading the book properly and also sharing it with my bf! Read before you drop ya sprog and potentially save your marriage, 10 Aug 2008
This book was recommended to me as something to read before I gave birth. I am so glad I did because it made me understand in a light and humerous way why I reacted completely differently to things to do with the baby, from the way my partner did. If I hadn't have read this book I may have gladly walked out on my husband on a few occasions but thankfully this book made me realise he wasn't an uncaring monster just he was programmed differently to me. I think this is an incredibly important book to read if like me you don't have family to take you aside and warn you of what can happen to your marriage once a a baby arrives. Although saying that I have leant this to a few married friends that were having problems and since reading this book those problems ahve got a heck of a lot better for them. confirmation that I am normal and not insane!, 04 Feb 2008
This book has saved my sanity and brought me back from the edge of dispair! Who knew that so many other women feel the same way when they become mummies!!! This book echos the rants and moans of all my friends with babies, and it is a gentle reassurance that what you go through with a new baby is completely normal, and men, generally, are all the same! This is one of the best books I have read about parenting / babies etc and will bring a smile to your face if nothing else! I thought it was great, 26 Jun 2007
It touches on important subjects like the great divide between how men and women view life and marriage and children. It should not put you off having children because all of us know that it is worth all the effort. And isn't something that is written to help us through the troughs worthy of some commendation?
Well done girls. I personally think you did a great job.
Enough to put you off having children!, 23 May 2007
As a mum of an 8yr old son, we are planning our second child and thought I'd buy this book and try things differently this time round. And as I have an 8yr + age gap between my first born and our next child I felt a bit stale with "what to expect" (in a way)and want to feel more prepared this time round!
However I have to be honest and say - that even though this book is written with a great sense of humour, I am really glad I didn't read this book before having my first child. I personally found it to be enough to put anyone off having children, in the fear that it is worded in a way that your relationship is bound to be wrecked!
Yes, having children can be very stressful on your relationship with lots of arguements along the way. But I feel that your book goes a bit overboard and makes motherhood sound like an absolute nightmare! Well it isn't. Pretty good advice, 21 May 2007
Although it's nothing you can't find out on relationship websites this book is pretty good, concise, easy reading for the busy mums out there. Lots of good information in a good easy format, written with a touch of comedy. Full of good advice, anecdotes and tips - I'd recommend giving it a shot. Changed my way of thinking for the better, 24 May 2007
This book has changed my way of thinking and opened my eyes. I have been married for almost three years, and very happily too (although not without disagreements, I hasten to add). However, by reading this book, I found that there are ways that I can improve my marriage too. I cook, I clean and generally try to be a good wife. However, I can see that with familiarity you can begin to take each other for granted, try to get your own way all the time, not make the effort and forget to impress or dress up for your husband. It showed me that feeding your husband is much more than having food ready for him each evening. It is about making HIM your No.1 priority !!!!
As another reader said, the book is worth its weight in gold and I couldn't agree more. I will now be passing this book to my mother, as I often find my father confiding in me about `lack of respect' from my mother. I have been witness to my mother always raking up the past, dangling past failures in front of my father, constantly complaining and undermining him by calling him `stupid' at every opportunity. Never the other way around. I hope it does something to mend her ways after more than 30 years of marriage.
A must for newly weds!, 13 May 2007
I read this book in one sitting. I considered myself happily married but always had the usual gripes about my husband not being romantic enough, blah, blah, blah. Reading this book has been a revelation, it opened my eyes to the fact that I have a wonderful husband, and although he doesn't buy me flowers all the time he always washes up, runs my bath, etc., etc., which according to this book is his way of showing me he loves me. I have been taking him granted for so long, I'm just lucky he's stuck around long enough for me to find this book. It's not all about losing 'power', if anything treating your husband with more respect will actually give you more power because with a little respect and appreciation your husband will be willing to walk through fire for you. Can't recommend it enough. This book should be on the national curriculum, 27 Nov 2006
This is an excellent 'how to' book, which asks some pretty direct questions, and has a bold take on our contemporary culture - in other words she has not much positive to say about modern day feminist attitudes, that blame everyone except the person who is responsible, yourself!
She gives many tips and hints on what to do to take responsibility for the situation and how to improve it.
Much of what she writes seems like common sense, only, as we know, common sense is not that common!
I hope there will soon be a similar book for care and feeding of wives too.
Well worth it. Go buy it! The Ultimate Guide To Marriage, 24 Mar 2006
This book is a revelation - ALL women should read this whatever their circumstances. Feminists, at first glance, may baulk at the notion of this book. However, this book tells a few home truths about both genders and would be useful for anyone who has or had relationship problems. The book is really easy to read, with lots of real-life examples, and is worth more than its weight in gold!!! Insightful, straightforward and very valuable!, 13 Jan 2006
First of all, I listen Dr. Laura’s radio show only from time to time so I am not her “fan”. This book is actually written for women who chose to marry for men they love and respect. The author does NOT encourage men or women to stay in relationships with abuse issues! Moreover, it is written for women who really want to make their marriage a successful one. You probably know that every second marriage in the USA FAILS! That’s why as a happily married woman and a Ph. D. in Sexuality I consider this book to be a must read for its targeted audience. I was amazed to see how perfectly aware of men’s basic needs and psychology is Dr. Laura. The major piece of advice is to love, respect and take care of your husband! I do believe that this is the bare minimum of every successful relationship! Even today men’s life is still considered a lot less valuable, although good men and especially good husbands do their very best, challenge and push themselves to the maximum for US and our children and it’s no surprise that they die with tens of thousands from heart attack and other stress related diseases! That’s why I want to support 100% the author that men have proven starting from the Stone Age till nowadays that they at least deserve our respect, care and appreciation! Of course, this does NOT mean that YOU have to play the role of a wife-doormat! Dr. Laura didn't leave her career and job in order to be a housewife? That's why the book is more about PRIORITIES! You may stay all day at home and still your husband to be very dissatisfied with you. It could be exactly the opposite. It is up to YOU how much you invest in your “relationship bank account”. I think that many people have misunderstood Dr. Laura's advice on the common issue- the husband wants to have sex but she doesn’t want because she is tired, not in a mood, etc” I agree with the author that sex has a great importance for men and if you reject an intercourse they will feel as if you reject THEM! If you want to be a great wife you must NEVER allow this to happen. You may reject the intercourse but NOT and HIM! That’s the trick. In conclusion, I believe that this book has a lot to offer to women in the real non-feministic sense of this word. Allow me to strongly recommend you in addition the also bestseller “Scientifically guaranteed male multiple orgasms and ultimate sex” by Alan Ritz because it has delivered great value and results to my marriage and all of my clients. I dare say that both books can dramatically improve your marriage for better! Marilyn R. Barry Ph. D. in Sexuality
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Customer Reviews
I no longer felt alone, 27 Jul 2008
The first chapter of this book made me cry... for the first time in years I felt that I was not alone and that someone else understood my problem.
The book is very balanced in its view and is very suitable for both couples (if you can get your other half to read it.. mine wouldnt!) but I would say that it is slightly biased towards the man being the "sex starved" partner.
Subsequently the author has written "The sex starved wife" which is much more specialised for women. Again.. that book is also very balanced.. but wow.. its amazing to know that youre not alone in this!
This book didnt solve my problems but it did help me understand that im not alone, also it gave me an insight into how my partner was feeling and why he might be behaving in this way.
I would thoroughly recommend this book for anyone who has a partner who has given up on the physical side of their relationship. thumbs up!, 10 Jul 2007
I only got this book yesterday but i spent about half an hour reading bits from different sections. I already feel a bit happier and know that this is the sort of book that can help as it is written in such a friendly, homely way, that makes you feel cared for. The author also shares her own experiences of this sort of problem. I look forward to reading the book properly and also sharing it with my bf! Read before you drop ya sprog and potentially save your marriage, 10 Aug 2008
This book was recommended to me as something to read before I gave birth. I am so glad I did because it made me understand in a light and humerous way why I reacted completely differently to things to do with the baby, from the way my partner did. If I hadn't have read this book I may have gladly walked out on my husband on a few occasions but thankfully this book made me realise he wasn't an uncaring monster just he was programmed differently to me. I think this is an incredibly important book to read if like me you don't have family to take you aside and warn you of what can happen to your marriage once a a baby arrives. Although saying that I have leant this to a few married friends that were having problems and since reading this book those problems ahve got a heck of a lot better for them. confirmation that I am normal and not insane!, 04 Feb 2008
This book has saved my sanity and brought me back from the edge of dispair! Who knew that so many other women feel the same way when they become mummies!!! This book echos the rants and moans of all my friends with babies, and it is a gentle reassurance that what you go through with a new baby is completely normal, and men, generally, are all the same! This is one of the best books I have read about parenting / babies etc and will bring a smile to your face if nothing else! I thought it was great, 26 Jun 2007
It touches on important subjects like the great divide between how men and women view life and marriage and children. It should not put you off having children because all of us know that it is worth all the effort. And isn't something that is written to help us through the troughs worthy of some commendation?
Well done girls. I personally think you did a great job.
Enough to put you off having children!, 23 May 2007
As a mum of an 8yr old son, we are planning our second child and thought I'd buy this book and try things differently this time round. And as I have an 8yr + age gap between my first born and our next child I felt a bit stale with "what to expect" (in a way)and want to feel more prepared this time round!
However I have to be honest and say - that even though this book is written with a great sense of humour, I am really glad I didn't read this book before having my first child. I personally found it to be enough to put anyone off having children, in the fear that it is worded in a way that your relationship is bound to be wrecked!
Yes, having children can be very stressful on your relationship with lots of arguements along the way. But I feel that your book goes a bit overboard and makes motherhood sound like an absolute nightmare! Well it isn't. Pretty good advice, 21 May 2007
Although it's nothing you can't find out on relationship websites this book is pretty good, concise, easy reading for the busy mums out there. Lots of good information in a good easy format, written with a touch of comedy. Full of good advice, anecdotes and tips - I'd recommend giving it a shot. Changed my way of thinking for the better, 24 May 2007
This book has changed my way of thinking and opened my eyes. I have been married for almost three years, and very happily too (although not without disagreements, I hasten to add). However, by reading this book, I found that there are ways that I can improve my marriage too. I cook, I clean and generally try to be a good wife. However, I can see that with familiarity you can begin to take each other for granted, try to get your own way all the time, not make the effort and forget to impress or dress up for your husband. It showed me that feeding your husband is much more than having food ready for him each evening. It is about making HIM your No.1 priority !!!!
As another reader said, the book is worth its weight in gold and I couldn't agree more. I will now be passing this book to my mother, as I often find my father confiding in me about `lack of respect' from my mother. I have been witness to my mother always raking up the past, dangling past failures in front of my father, constantly complaining and undermining him by calling him `stupid' at every opportunity. Never the other way around. I hope it does something to mend her ways after more than 30 years of marriage.
A must for newly weds!, 13 May 2007
I read this book in one sitting. I considered myself happily married but always had the usual gripes about my husband not being romantic enough, blah, blah, blah. Reading this book has been a revelation, it opened my eyes to the fact that I have a wonderful husband, and although he doesn't buy me flowers all the time he always washes up, runs my bath, etc., etc., which according to this book is his way of showing me he loves me. I have been taking him granted for so long, I'm just lucky he's stuck around long enough for me to find this book. It's not all about losing 'power', if anything treating your husband with more respect will actually give you more power because with a little respect and appreciation your husband will be willing to walk through fire for you. Can't recommend it enough. This book should be on the national curriculum, 27 Nov 2006
This is an excellent 'how to' book, which asks some pretty direct questions, and has a bold take on our contemporary culture - in other words she has not much positive to say about modern day feminist attitudes, that blame everyone except the person who is responsible, yourself!
She gives many tips and hints on what to do to take responsibility for the situation and how to improve it.
Much of what she writes seems like common sense, only, as we know, common sense is not that common!
I hope there will soon be a similar book for care and feeding of wives too.
Well worth it. Go buy it! The Ultimate Guide To Marriage, 24 Mar 2006
This book is a revelation - ALL women should read this whatever their circumstances. Feminists, at first glance, may baulk at the notion of this book. However, this book tells a few home truths about both genders and would be useful for anyone who has or had relationship problems. The book is really easy to read, with lots of real-life examples, and is worth more than its weight in gold!!! Insightful, straightforward and very valuable!, 13 Jan 2006
First of all, I listen Dr. Laura’s radio show only from time to time so I am not her “fan”. This book is actually written for women who chose to marry for men they love and respect. The author does NOT encourage men or women to stay in relationships with abuse issues! Moreover, it is written for women who really want to make their marriage a successful one. You probably know that every second marriage in the USA FAILS! That’s why as a happily married woman and a Ph. D. in Sexuality I consider this book to be a must read for its targeted audience. I was amazed to see how perfectly aware of men’s basic needs and psychology is Dr. Laura. The major piece of advice is to love, respect and take care of your husband! I do believe that this is the bare minimum of every successful relationship! Even today men’s life is still considered a lot less valuable, although good men and especially good husbands do their very best, challenge and push themselves to the maximum for US and our children and it’s no surprise that they die with tens of thousands from heart attack and other stress related diseases! That’s why I want to support 100% the author that men have proven starting from the Stone Age till nowadays that they at least deserve our respect, care and appreciation! Of course, this does NOT mean that YOU have to play the role of a wife-doormat! Dr. Laura didn't leave her career and job in order to be a housewife? That's why the book is more about PRIORITIES! You may stay all day at home and still your husband to be very dissatisfied with you. It could be exactly the opposite. It is up to YOU how much you invest in your “relationship bank account”. I think that many people have misunderstood Dr. Laura's advice on the common issue- the husband wants to have sex but she doesn’t want because she is tired, not in a mood, etc” I agree with the author that sex has a great importance for men and if you reject an intercourse they will feel as if you reject THEM! If you want to be a great wife you must NEVER allow this to happen. You may reject the intercourse but NOT and HIM! That’s the trick. In conclusion, I believe that this book has a lot to offer to women in the real non-feministic sense of this word. Allow me to strongly recommend you in addition the also bestseller “Scientifically guaranteed male multiple orgasms and ultimate sex” by Alan Ritz because it has delivered great value and results to my marriage and all of my clients. I dare say that both books can dramatically improve your marriage for better! Marilyn R. Barry Ph. D. in Sexuality
Great for improving any Romantic Relationship!, 23 Aug 2008
John Gottman is a respected expert on relationships who has done extensive research with married couples over the past two decades to determine why couples stay together or part. Although Gottman's book is about marriage, it has some excellent insights for understanding some of the important dynamics of long-term courting relationships. The book provides many exercises, quizzes, techniques and tips to understand and improve courting relationships.
Gottman notes that his years of research show that a lasting marriage results from a couple's ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship. He also notes that there are three different styles of conflict resolution that healthy couples usually adopt. They are: the validating marriage (couples compromise and calmly work out their problems attempting to satisfy both people), the conflict-avoiding marriage (couples agree to disagree and rarely confront issues head on), and the volatile marriage (couples conflict often and the results are passionate disputes).
John Gottman also discusses what he calls "The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse." These are the dangerous ways of interacting that sabotage attempts to communicate. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
Well written and informative, Gottman's research has uncovered some worthwhile and thought provoking ideas on long-term relationships. Understanding these concepts can be helpful when trying to understand oneself and when exploring long-term compatibility with a companion.
The Re-Discovery of Common Sense: A Guide To: The Lost Art of Critical Thinking
Seems quite sound, 25 Oct 2007
So many self-tests but doing them seemed worthwhile. I felt a lot better about my marriage after reading this book and evaluating the tests, as it seems a lot of what I worried about doesn't spell trouble, according to Gottman, and we seemed to be on a right track together. In areas for which the tests indicated improvement would help, it seems that focusing on a few practices goes a long way. Still, learning not to be defensive doesn't come easy. Avoiding "flooding" by calming techniques (breathe, breathe) seems to pay off a lot.
My impression is that Gottman's advice is valuable given how hard marriage can be. I appreciate that he avoids stereotypes and any system of speculations. I expect to return to this book now and then to try to keep on track.
Positive advice on strengthening your marriage, 01 Oct 2007
If you and your spouse are screaming at each other over what color to paint the downstairs bathroom, it might be a sign that your marriage is in danger - but then again, it might not. The fact that you argue is not the issue. Problems, conflicts and disagreements are inevitable and unavoidable in life and in a marriage. The key to a stable, healthy marriage is the way you air and resolve conflict. Dr. John Gottman studied hundreds of couples for more than 20 years to identify what, if anything, healthy and failing marriages have in common. Based on his research, the most innovative part of the book, he believes that he can predict with 94% accuracy which couples will stay together and which ones will fall apart. Failing marriages tend to follow the same downward spiral, a path that leads to loneliness, anger, negativity and, eventually, dissolution. Recognizing these destructive communication patterns is the first step back to a healthy relationship. Gottman's research, conclusions and recommendations hold up surprisingly well. We recommend his timeless advice to couples who want to avoid - or address - marital pitfalls.
Helpful for normal couples, 27 Aug 2006
This book pinpoints the key causes of marital deterioration based on scientific study and provides useful advice for normal partners who both have the potential to accept their mistakes, resolve their differences and take corrective action. It is not really useful for those people who have a mentally or physically abusive spouse who is unlikely to accept that there is a problem let alone change his or her behaviour. In this case, following the advice in this book is likely to erode any remaining relf-respect that the abused spouse may have. There are some rather stereotyped views expressed on subjects such as housework and discussion of realistic and creative solutions to the division of traditionally male and female dominated domestic chores is ignored.
This book cleared up many unanswered questions for me!!, 03 Jul 1999
This book has given me the knowledge of how to deal with problems in my future marriage and to prevent things from going bad. Before I read this book I didn't understand why my finance acted the way he did at times, now I do and understand.
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The Sixty Minute Marriage
Usually dispatched within 1-2 business days
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*Amazon: £2.80
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Customer Reviews
I no longer felt alone, 27 Jul 2008
The first chapter of this book made me cry... for the first time in years I felt that I was not alone and that someone else understood my problem.
The book is very balanced in its view and is very suitable for both couples (if you can get your other half to read it.. mine wouldnt!) but I would say that it is slightly biased towards the man being the "sex starved" partner.
Subsequently the author has written "The sex starved wife" which is much more specialised for women. Again.. that book is also very balanced.. but wow.. its amazing to know that youre not alone in this!
This book didnt solve my problems but it did help me understand that im not alone, also it gave me an insight into how my partner was feeling and why he might be behaving in this way.
I would thoroughly recommend this book for anyone who has a partner who has given up on the physical side of their relationship. thumbs up!, 10 Jul 2007
I only got this book yesterday but i spent about half an hour reading bits from different sections. I already feel a bit happier and know that this is the sort of book that can help as it is written in such a friendly, homely way, that makes you feel cared for. The author also shares her own experiences of this sort of problem. I look forward to reading the book properly and also sharing it with my bf! Read before you drop ya sprog and potentially save your marriage, 10 Aug 2008
This book was recommended to me as something to read before I gave birth. I am so glad I did because it made me understand in a light and humerous way why I reacted completely differently to things to do with the baby, from the way my partner did. If I hadn't have read this book I may have gladly walked out on my husband on a few occasions but thankfully this book made me realise he wasn't an uncaring monster just he was programmed differently to me. I think this is an incredibly important book to read if like me you don't have family to take you aside and warn you of what can happen to your marriage once a a baby arrives. Although saying that I have leant this to a few married friends that were having problems and since reading this book those problems ahve got a heck of a lot better for them. confirmation that I am normal and not insane!, 04 Feb 2008
This book has saved my sanity and brought me back from the edge of dispair! Who knew that so many other women feel the same way when they become mummies!!! This book echos the rants and moans of all my friends with babies, and it is a gentle reassurance that what you go through with a new baby is completely normal, and men, generally, are all the same! This is one of the best books I have read about parenting / babies etc and will bring a smile to your face if nothing else! I thought it was great, 26 Jun 2007
It touches on important subjects like the great divide between how men and women view life and marriage and children. It should not put you off having children because all of us know that it is worth all the effort. And isn't something that is written to help us through the troughs worthy of some commendation?
Well done girls. I personally think you did a great job.
Enough to put you off having children!, 23 May 2007
As a mum of an 8yr old son, we are planning our second child and thought I'd buy this book and try things differently this time round. And as I have an 8yr + age gap between my first born and our next child I felt a bit stale with "what to expect" (in a way)and want to feel more prepared this time round!
However I have to be honest and say - that even though this book is written with a great sense of humour, I am really glad I didn't read this book before having my first child. I personally found it to be enough to put anyone off having children, in the fear that it is worded in a way that your relationship is bound to be wrecked!
Yes, having children can be very stressful on your relationship with lots of arguements along the way. But I feel that your book goes a bit overboard and makes motherhood sound like an absolute nightmare! Well it isn't. Pretty good advice, 21 May 2007
Although it's nothing you can't find out on relationship websites this book is pretty good, concise, easy reading for the busy mums out there. Lots of good information in a good easy format, written with a touch of comedy. Full of good advice, anecdotes and tips - I'd recommend giving it a shot. Changed my way of thinking for the better, 24 May 2007
This book has changed my way of thinking and opened my eyes. I have been married for almost three years, and very happily too (although not without disagreements, I hasten to add). However, by reading this book, I found that there are ways that I can improve my marriage too. I cook, I clean and generally try to be a good wife. However, I can see that with familiarity you can begin to take each other for granted, try to get your own way all the time, not make the effort and forget to impress or dress up for your husband. It showed me that feeding your husband is much more than having food ready for him each evening. It is about making HIM your No.1 priority !!!!
As another reader said, the book is worth its weight in gold and I couldn't agree more. I will now be passing this book to my mother, as I often find my father confiding in me about `lack of respect' from my mother. I have been witness to my mother always raking up the past, dangling past failures in front of my father, constantly complaining and undermining him by calling him `stupid' at every opportunity. Never the other way around. I hope it does something to mend her ways after more than 30 years of marriage.
A must for newly weds!, 13 May 2007
I read this book in one sitting. I considered myself happily married but always had the usual gripes about my husband not being romantic enough, blah, blah, blah. Reading this book has been a revelation, it opened my eyes to the fact that I have a wonderful husband, and although he doesn't buy me flowers all the time he always washes up, runs my bath, etc., etc., which according to this book is his way of showing me he loves me. I have been taking him granted for so long, I'm just lucky he's stuck around long enough for me to find this book. It's not all about losing 'power', if anything treating your husband with more respect will actually give you more power because with a little respect and appreciation your husband will be willing to walk through fire for you. Can't recommend it enough. This book should be on the national curriculum, 27 Nov 2006
This is an excellent 'how to' book, which asks some pretty direct questions, and has a bold take on our contemporary culture - in other words she has not much positive to say about modern day feminist attitudes, that blame everyone except the person who is responsible, yourself!
She gives many tips and hints on what to do to take responsibility for the situation and how to improve it.
Much of what she writes seems like common sense, only, as we know, common sense is not that common!
I hope there will soon be a similar book for care and feeding of wives too.
Well worth it. Go buy it! The Ultimate Guide To Marriage, 24 Mar 2006
This book is a revelation - ALL women should read this whatever their circumstances. Feminists, at first glance, may baulk at the notion of this book. However, this book tells a few home truths about both genders and would be useful for anyone who has or had relationship problems. The book is really easy to read, with lots of real-life examples, and is worth more than its weight in gold!!! Insightful, straightforward and very valuable!, 13 Jan 2006
First of all, I listen Dr. Laura’s radio show only from time to time so I am not her “fan”. This book is actually written for women who chose to marry for men they love and respect. The author does NOT encourage men or women to stay in relationships with abuse issues! Moreover, it is written for women who really want to make their marriage a successful one. You probably know that every second marriage in the USA FAILS! That’s why as a happily married woman and a Ph. D. in Sexuality I consider this book to be a must read for its targeted audience. I was amazed to see how perfectly aware of men’s basic needs and psychology is Dr. Laura. The major piece of advice is to love, respect and take care of your husband! I do believe that this is the bare minimum of every successful relationship! Even today men’s life is still considered a lot less valuable, although good men and especially good husbands do their very best, challenge and push themselves to the maximum for US and our children and it’s no surprise that they die with tens of thousands from heart attack and other stress related diseases! That’s why I want to support 100% the author that men have proven starting from the Stone Age till nowadays that they at least deserve our respect, care and appreciation! Of course, this does NOT mean that YOU have to play the role of a wife-doormat! Dr. Laura didn't leave her career and job in order to be a housewife? That's why the book is more about PRIORITIES! You may stay all day at home and still your husband to be very dissatisfied with you. It could be exactly the opposite. It is up to YOU how much you invest in your “relationship bank account”. I think that many people have misunderstood Dr. Laura's advice on the common issue- the husband wants to have sex but she doesn’t want because she is tired, not in a mood, etc” I agree with the author that sex has a great importance for men and if you reject an intercourse they will feel as if you reject THEM! If you want to be a great wife you must NEVER allow this to happen. You may reject the intercourse but NOT and HIM! That’s the trick. In conclusion, I believe that this book has a lot to offer to women in the real non-feministic sense of this word. Allow me to strongly recommend you in addition the also bestseller “Scientifically guaranteed male multiple orgasms and ultimate sex” by Alan Ritz because it has delivered great value and results to my marriage and all of my clients. I dare say that both books can dramatically improve your marriage for better! Marilyn R. Barry Ph. D. in Sexuality
Great for improving any Romantic Relationship!, 23 Aug 2008
John Gottman is a respected expert on relationships who has done extensive research with married couples over the past two decades to determine why couples stay together or part. Although Gottman's book is about marriage, it has some excellent insights for understanding some of the important dynamics of long-term courting relationships. The book provides many exercises, quizzes, techniques and tips to understand and improve courting relationships.
Gottman notes that his years of research show that a lasting marriage results from a couple's ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship. He also notes that there are three different styles of conflict resolution that healthy couples usually adopt. They are: the validating marriage (couples compromise and calmly work out their problems attempting to satisfy both people), the conflict-avoiding marriage (couples agree to disagree and rarely confront issues head on), and the volatile marriage (couples conflict often and the results are passionate disputes).
John Gottman also discusses what he calls "The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse." These are the dangerous ways of interacting that sabotage attempts to communicate. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
Well written and informative, Gottman's research has uncovered some worthwhile and thought provoking ideas on long-term relationships. Understanding these concepts can be helpful when trying to understand oneself and when exploring long-term compatibility with a companion.
The Re-Discovery of Common Sense: A Guide To: The Lost Art of Critical Thinking
Seems quite sound, 25 Oct 2007
So many self-tests but doing them seemed worthwhile. I felt a lot better about my marriage after reading this book and evaluating the tests, as it seems a lot of what I worried about doesn't spell trouble, according to Gottman, and we seemed to be on a right track together. In areas for which the tests indicated improvement would help, it seems that focusing on a few practices goes a long way. Still, learning not to be defensive doesn't come easy. Avoiding "flooding" by calming techniques (breathe, breathe) seems to pay off a lot.
My impression is that Gottman's advice is valuable given how hard marriage can be. I appreciate that he avoids stereotypes and any system of speculations. I expect to return to this book now and then to try to keep on track.
Positive advice on strengthening your marriage, 01 Oct 2007
If you and your spouse are screaming at each other over what color to paint the downstairs bathroom, it might be a sign that your marriage is in danger - but then again, it might not. The fact that you argue is not the issue. Problems, conflicts and disagreements are inevitable and unavoidable in life and in a marriage. The key to a stable, healthy marriage is the way you air and resolve conflict. Dr. John Gottman studied hundreds of couples for more than 20 years to identify what, if anything, healthy and failing marriages have in common. Based on his research, the most innovative part of the book, he believes that he can predict with 94% accuracy which couples will stay together and which ones will fall apart. Failing marriages tend to follow the same downward spiral, a path that leads to loneliness, anger, negativity and, eventually, dissolution. Recognizing these destructive communication patterns is the first step back to a healthy relationship. Gottman's research, conclusions and recommendations hold up surprisingly well. We recommend his timeless advice to couples who want to avoid - or address - marital pitfalls.
Helpful for normal couples, 27 Aug 2006
This book pinpoints the key causes of marital deterioration based on scientific study and provides useful advice for normal partners who both have the potential to accept their mistakes, resolve their differences and take corrective action. It is not really useful for those people who have a mentally or physically abusive spouse who is unlikely to accept that there is a problem let alone change his or her behaviour. In this case, following the advice in this book is likely to erode any remaining relf-respect that the abused spouse may have. There are some rather stereotyped views expressed on subjects such as housework and discussion of realistic and creative solutions to the division of traditionally male and female dominated domestic chores is ignored.
This book cleared up many unanswered questions for me!!, 03 Jul 1999
This book has given me the knowledge of how to deal with problems in my future marriage and to prevent things from going bad. Before I read this book I didn't understand why my finance acted the way he did at times, now I do and understand.
Incredible reading, 12 Feb 2004
I've just finished reading this book and....wow! Currently going through a rocky period in my marriage, I honestly thought things could never get better. Reading this book has changed my thinking. It's reminded me of what I could lose, not to mention the affect a separation could have on our three year old daughter. My husband's going to read TSMM too. I hope he feels the same way.
Fantastic Book, 08 Nov 2003
Quick to read, yet packed with practical and thought provoking advice. This book now forms a major part of marriage preparation classes at our church. I would recommend this book to any couple.
Impartial advice on saving or leaving married life., 15 Nov 2001
This book does not cast judgements, it cites examples both good and bad of the various ways in which marraiges can break up and how, when approriate, they can be saved. It deals with many different causes of marraige problems, and how practically to deal with them. Most examples tend toward staying together and working the problems through, but is practical enough to suggest that all marraiges are not worth saving. I would recommend compulsory reading for both partners of a problem marraige before any decisions were made.
Real, practical, humourous, and a great read., 23 Apr 1999
Rob Parsons has done a great job. He has brought wit and humour, laughter and tears all together in a practical guide to family life. He shares real examples from his own experience and that of others in a way that is both enjoyable and challenging. This book has really helped our family. Go get it!
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Customer Reviews
I no longer felt alone, 27 Jul 2008
The first chapter of this book made me cry... for the first time in years I felt that I was not alone and that someone else understood my problem.
The book is very balanced in its view and is very suitable for both couples (if you can get your other half to read it.. mine wouldnt!) but I would say that it is slightly biased towards the man being the "sex starved" partner.
Subsequently the author has written "The sex starved wife" which is much more specialised for women. Again.. that book is also very balanced.. but wow.. its amazing to know that youre not alone in this!
This book didnt solve my problems but it did help me understand that im not alone, also it gave me an insight into how my partner was feeling and why he might be behaving in this way.
I would thoroughly recommend this book for anyone who has a partner who has given up on the physical side of their relationship. thumbs up!, 10 Jul 2007
I only got this book yesterday but i spent about half an hour reading bits from different sections. I already feel a bit happier and know that this is the sort of book that can help as it is written in such a friendly, homely way, that makes you feel cared for. The author also shares her own experiences of this sort of problem. I look forward to reading the book properly and also sharing it with my bf! Read before you drop ya sprog and potentially save your marriage, 10 Aug 2008
This book was recommended to me as something to read before I gave birth. I am so glad I did because it made me understand in a light and humerous way why I reacted completely differently to things to do with the baby, from the way my partner did. If I hadn't have read this book I may have gladly walked out on my husband on a few occasions but thankfully this book made me realise he wasn't an uncaring monster just he was programmed differently to me. I think this is an incredibly important book to read if like me you don't have family to take you aside and warn you of what can happen to your marriage once a a baby arrives. Although saying that I have leant this to a few married friends that were having problems and since reading this book those problems ahve got a heck of a lot better for them. confirmation that I am normal and not insane!, 04 Feb 2008
This book has saved my sanity and brought me back from the edge of dispair! Who knew that so many other women feel the same way when they become mummies!!! This book echos the rants and moans of all my friends with babies, and it is a gentle reassurance that what you go through with a new baby is completely normal, and men, generally, are all the same! This is one of the best books I have read about parenting / babies etc and will bring a smile to your face if nothing else! I thought it was great, 26 Jun 2007
It touches on important subjects like the great divide between how men and women view life and marriage and children. It should not put you off having children because all of us know that it is worth all the effort. And isn't something that is written to help us through the troughs worthy of some commendation?
Well done girls. I personally think you did a great job.
Enough to put you off having children!, 23 May 2007
As a mum of an 8yr old son, we are planning our second child and thought I'd buy this book and try things differently this time round. And as I have an 8yr + age gap between my first born and our next child I felt a bit stale with "what to expect" (in a way)and want to feel more prepared this time round!
However I have to be honest and say - that even though this book is written with a great sense of humour, I am really glad I didn't read this book before having my first child. I personally found it to be enough to put anyone off having children, in the fear that it is worded in a way that your relationship is bound to be wrecked!
Yes, having children can be very stressful on your relationship with lots of arguements along the way. But I feel that your book goes a bit overboard and makes motherhood sound like an absolute nightmare! Well it isn't. Pretty good advice, 21 May 2007
Although it's nothing you can't find out on relationship websites this book is pretty good, concise, easy reading for the busy mums out there. Lots of good information in a good easy format, written with a touch of comedy. Full of good advice, anecdotes and tips - I'd recommend giving it a shot. Changed my way of thinking for the better, 24 May 2007
This book has changed my way of thinking and opened my eyes. I have been married for almost three years, and very happily too (although not without disagreements, I hasten to add). However, by reading this book, I found that there are ways that I can improve my marriage too. I cook, I clean and generally try to be a good wife. However, I can see that with familiarity you can begin to take each other for granted, try to get your own way all the time, not make the effort and forget to impress or dress up for your husband. It showed me that feeding your husband is much more than having food ready for him each evening. It is about making HIM your No.1 priority !!!!
As another reader said, the book is worth its weight in gold and I couldn't agree more. I will now be passing this book to my mother, as I often find my father confiding in me about `lack of respect' from my mother. I have been witness to my mother always raking up the past, dangling past failures in front of my father, constantly complaining and undermining him by calling him `stupid' at every opportunity. Never the other way around. I hope it does something to mend her ways after more than 30 years of marriage.
A must for newly weds!, 13 May 2007
I read this book in one sitting. I considered myself happily married but always had the usual gripes about my husband not being romantic enough, blah, blah, blah. Reading this book has been a revelation, it opened my eyes to the fact that I have a wonderful husband, and although he doesn't buy me flowers all the time he always washes up, runs my bath, etc., etc., which according to this book is his way of showing me he loves me. I have been taking him granted for so long, I'm just lucky he's stuck around long enough for me to find this book. It's not all about losing 'power', if anything treating your husband with more respect will actually give you more power because with a little respect and appreciation your husband will be willing to walk through fire for you. Can't recommend it enough. This book should be on the national curriculum, 27 Nov 2006
This is an excellent 'how to' book, which asks some pretty direct questions, and has a bold take on our contemporary culture - in other words she has not much positive to say about modern day feminist attitudes, that blame everyone except the person who is responsible, yourself!
She gives many tips and hints on what to do to take responsibility for the situation and how to improve it.
Much of what she writes seems like common sense, only, as we know, common sense is not that common!
I hope there will soon be a similar book for care and feeding of wives too.
Well worth it. Go buy it! The Ultimate Guide To Marriage, 24 Mar 2006
This book is a revelation - ALL women should read this whatever their circumstances. Feminists, at first glance, may baulk at the notion of this book. However, this book tells a few home truths about both genders and would be useful for anyone who has or had relationship problems. The book is really easy to read, with lots of real-life examples, and is worth more than its weight in gold!!! Insightful, straightforward and very valuable!, 13 Jan 2006
First of all, I listen Dr. Laura’s radio show only from time to time so I am not her “fan”. This book is actually written for women who chose to marry for men they love and respect. The author does NOT encourage men or women to stay in relationships with abuse issues! Moreover, it is written for women who really want to make their marriage a successful one. You probably know that every second marriage in the USA FAILS! That’s why as a happily married woman and a Ph. D. in Sexuality I consider this book to be a must read for its targeted audience. I was amazed to see how perfectly aware of men’s basic needs and psychology is Dr. Laura. The major piece of advice is to love, respect and take care of your husband! I do believe that this is the bare minimum of every successful relationship! Even today men’s life is still considered a lot less valuable, although good men and especially good husbands do their very best, challenge and push themselves to the maximum for US and our children and it’s no surprise that they die with tens of thousands from heart attack and other stress related diseases! That’s why I want to support 100% the author that men have proven starting from the Stone Age till nowadays that they at least deserve our respect, care and appreciation! Of course, this does NOT mean that YOU have to play the role of a wife-doormat! Dr. Laura didn't leave her career and job in order to be a housewife? That's why the book is more about PRIORITIES! You may stay all day at home and still your husband to be very dissatisfied with you. It could be exactly the opposite. It is up to YOU how much you invest in your “relationship bank account”. I think that many people have misunderstood Dr. Laura's advice on the common issue- the husband wants to have sex but she doesn’t want because she is tired, not in a mood, etc” I agree with the author that sex has a great importance for men and if you reject an intercourse they will feel as if you reject THEM! If you want to be a great wife you must NEVER allow this to happen. You may reject the intercourse but NOT and HIM! That’s the trick. In conclusion, I believe that this book has a lot to offer to women in the real non-feministic sense of this word. Allow me to strongly recommend you in addition the also bestseller “Scientifically guaranteed male multiple orgasms and ultimate sex” by Alan Ritz because it has delivered great value and results to my marriage and all of my clients. I dare say that both books can dramatically improve your marriage for better! Marilyn R. Barry Ph. D. in Sexuality
Great for improving any Romantic Relationship!, 23 Aug 2008
John Gottman is a respected expert on relationships who has done extensive research with married couples over the past two decades to determine why couples stay together or part. Although Gottman's book is about marriage, it has some excellent insights for understanding some of the important dynamics of long-term courting relationships. The book provides many exercises, quizzes, techniques and tips to understand and improve courting relationships.
Gottman notes that his years of research show that a lasting marriage results from a couple's ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship. He also notes that there are three different styles of conflict resolution that healthy couples usually adopt. They are: the validating marriage (couples compromise and calmly work out their problems attempting to satisfy both people), the conflict-avoiding marriage (couples agree to disagree and rarely confront issues head on), and the volatile marriage (couples conflict often and the results are passionate disputes).
John Gottman also discusses what he calls "The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse." These are the dangerous ways of interacting that sabotage attempts to communicate. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
Well written and informative, Gottman's research has uncovered some worthwhile and thought provoking ideas on long-term relationships. Understanding these concepts can be helpful when trying to understand oneself and when exploring long-term compatibility with a companion.
The Re-Discovery of Common Sense: A Guide To: The Lost Art of Critical Thinking
Seems quite sound, 25 Oct 2007
So many self-tests but doing them seemed worthwhile. I felt a lot better about my marriage after reading this book and evaluating the tests, as it seems a lot of what I worried about doesn't spell trouble, according to Gottman, and we seemed to be on a right track together. In areas for which the tests indicated improvement would help, it seems that focusing on a few practices goes a long way. Still, learning not to be defensive doesn't come easy. Avoiding "flooding" by calming techniques (breathe, breathe) seems to pay off a lot.
My impression is that Gottman's advice is valuable given how hard marriage can be. I appreciate that he avoids stereotypes and any system of speculations. I expect to return to this book now and then to try to keep on track.
Positive advice on strengthening your marriage, 01 Oct 2007
If you and your spouse are screaming at each other over what color to paint the downstairs bathroom, it might be a sign that your marriage is in danger - but then again, it might not. The fact that you argue is not the issue. Problems, conflicts and disagreements are inevitable and unavoidable in life and in a marriage. The key to a stable, healthy marriage is the way you air and resolve conflict. Dr. John Gottman studied hundreds of couples for more than 20 years to identify what, if anything, healthy and failing marriages have in common. Based on his research, the most innovative part of the book, he believes that he can predict with 94% accuracy which couples will stay together and which ones will fall apart. Failing marriages tend to follow the same downward spiral, a path that leads to loneliness, anger, negativity and, eventually, dissolution. Recognizing these destructive communication patterns is the first step back to a healthy relationship. Gottman's research, conclusions and recommendations hold up surprisingly well. We recommend his timeless advice to couples who want to avoid - or address - marital pitfalls.
Helpful for normal couples, 27 Aug 2006
This book pinpoints the key causes of marital deterioration based on scientific study and provides useful advice for normal partners who both have the potential to accept their mistakes, resolve their differences and take corrective action. It is not really useful for those people who have a mentally or physically abusive spouse who is unlikely to accept that there is a problem let alone change his or her behaviour. In this case, following the advice in this book is likely to erode any remaining relf-respect that the abused spouse may have. There are some rather stereotyped views expressed on subjects such as housework and discussion of realistic and creative solutions to the division of traditionally male and female dominated domestic chores is ignored.
This book cleared up many unanswered questions for me!!, 03 Jul 1999
This book has given me the knowledge of how to deal with problems in my future marriage and to prevent things from going bad. Before I read this book I didn't understand why my finance acted the way he did at times, now I do and understand.
Incredible reading, 12 Feb 2004
I've just finished reading this book and....wow! Currently going through a rocky period in my marriage, I honestly thought things could never get better. Reading this book has changed my thinking. It's reminded me of what I could lose, not to mention the affect a separation could have on our three year old daughter. My husband's going to read TSMM too. I hope he feels the same way.
Fantastic Book, 08 Nov 2003
Quick to read, yet packed with practical and thought provoking advice. This book now forms a major part of marriage preparation classes at our church. I would recommend this book to any couple.
Impartial advice on saving or leaving married life., 15 Nov 2001
This book does not cast judgements, it cites examples both good and bad of the various ways in which marraiges can break up and how, when approriate, they can be saved. It deals with many different causes of marraige problems, and how practically to deal with them. Most examples tend toward staying together and working the problems through, but is practical enough to suggest that all marraiges are not worth saving. I would recommend compulsory reading for both partners of a problem marraige before any decisions were made.
Real, practical, humourous, and a great read., 23 Apr 1999
Rob Parsons has done a great job. He has brought wit and humour, laughter and tears all together in a practical guide to family life. He shares real examples from his own experience and that of others in a way that is both enjoyable and challenging. This book has really helped our family. Go get it!
Too Many Rules Can Spoil the Marriage -- Trying Talking!, 24 Jul 2004
If I counted correctly, this book has 43 official rules, 20 subrules, more suggestions in an appendix, and 15 extra hints. The book is totally written from a women's perspective. The assumption is that men don't want to improve their marriages. Somewhere in the book, you will probably get an idea for how to handle part of your marriage better. On the other hand, the book treats marriage like it is a game to be played rather than a relationship to be developed, expanded, and nurtured. Men are to be kept satisfied in almost every possible way, and women are encouraged to complain to their married friends to get relief from being a doormat for men. The book is also based on the perspectives of the authors rather than on any scientific evidence. I graded the book up one star for the candor shown by admitting that one of the authors was separated from her husband. The book makes one statement that most would agree with. "The truth is, marriage isn't easy." You are encouraged to follow these rules without letting your husband know what's going on. The authors feel that men don't want their wives to read a book about how to have a better relationship. While admitting that your husband could be different, the authors come down on the side of the idea that women need to cater to men in marriage like a business person does for a customer. When my wife and I were married, I think we got better advice. We were each encouraged to try to do at least 60 percent of the total effort to make the marriage work. That approach has worked well. In the spirit of full disclosure, my wife and I each have been divorced before so this is a second marriage for us. We each agree that you both have to really work at building your marriage. As I read through the list in the book, I saw many opinions expressed that are greatly at odds with my personal feelings. Frankly, if my wife followed this advice, our marriage would not be as good. I would come out ahead in some situations where I don't do so well now, but she would be miserable. My motto is: "If the women are happy, the men are happy." I suspect that if she was miserable, I would be even more miserable. Many of the rules here are just trying to capture common sense about being respectful of another person. You can give a person respect without ruining your own sense of self-worth though. Let me take an example here to help you understand the book better. Rule 9 is "Let him win." In the detail, there is an exception for when "it is a crucial issue for you." I think a better approach is to simply sit down sometime when you are both agreeable to do so, and share with your spouse what areas you strongly care about and where you feel comfortable feeling flexible. Then take the areas where you both feel strongly, and see what compromises are fair to both of you. For example, if you are from different religions, maybe you can share some observances with each other. The book needs a lot more about divorce and remarriage. These are whole book subjects, and get short shrift here. I believe there are more remarriages now in the United States than first marriages each year. This book is primarily written from the perspective of someone marrying for the first time. The book also seems inconsistent. While arguing that women should lie down and let men have their way, the book draws the line at one instance of adultery by the husband. That means the marriage is over, even if you stay married. I feel that if a woman feels that way, she should be sure her husband knows that in advance. Most men I know wouldn't expect that reaction from their wives. I expect a marriage-ending reaction from my wife, because she has told me she feels that way. I think that's a good example of the importance of sharing what you think and how you feel with one another (although not overdoing it). I am a big fan of Dr. Phil McGraw's books, Relationship Rescue and the Relationship Rescue Workbook. I suggest that you read those books and do the exercises with your fiancee and spouse before you have problems. You will clear up a lot of potential misunderstandings that way. Avoid this rule-based approach. Provide a happy home for your spouse . . . and yourself by becoming a mutually-understanding, mutually-communicating, and mutually-supportive team who love one another in as many ways as possible. May God bless your marriage!
Too Many Rules Can Spoil the Marriage -- Trying Talking!, 10 May 2004
If I counted correctly, this book has 43 official rules, 20 subrules, more suggestions in an appendix, and 15 extra hints. The book is totally written from a women's perspective. The assumption is that men don't want to improve their marriages. Somewhere in the book, you will probably get an idea for how to handle part of your marriage better. On the other hand, the book treats marriage like it is a game to be played rather than a relationship to be developed, expanded, and nurtured. Men are to be kept satisfied in almost every possible way, and women are encouraged to complain to their married friends to get relief from being a doormat for men. The book is also based on the perspectives of the authors rather than on any scientific evidence. I graded the book up one star for the candor shown by admitting that one of the authors was separated from her husband. The book makes one statement that most would agree with. "The truth is, marriage isn't easy." You are encouraged to make "The Rules for Marriage . . . a way of life." As a result, "we don't recommend discussing this book with your husband, or asking him to read it." " . . . [H]e doesn't like to think that you have to read a book to learn to deal with him." While admitting that your husband could be different, the authors come down on the side of the idea that "to be happily maried, a woman sometimes needs to treat her husband as a customer whom she wants to keep happy . . . ." When my wife and I were married, I think we got better advice. We were each encouraged to try to do at least 60 percent of the total effort to make the marriage work. That approach has worked well. In the spirit of full disclosure, my wife and I each have been divorced so this is a second marriage for us. We each agree that you both have to really work at building your marriage. As I read through the list in the book, I saw many opinions expressed that are greatly at odds with my personal feelings. Frankly, if my wife followed this advice, our marriage would not be as good. I would come out ahead in some situations where I don't do so well now, but she would be miserable. My motto is: "If the women are happy, the men are happy." I suspect that if she was miserable, I would be even more miserable. Many of the rules here are just trying to capture common sense about being respectful of another person. You can give a person respect without ruining your own sense of self-worth though. Let me take an example here to help you understand the book better. Rule 9 is "Let him win." In the detail, there is an exception for when "it is a crucial issue for you." I think a better approach is to simply sit down sometime when you are both agreeable to do so, and share with your spouse what areas you strongly care about and where you feel comfortable feeling flexible. Then take the areas where you both feel strongly, and see what compromises are fair to both of you. For example, if you are from different religions, maybe you can share some observances with each other. The book needs a lot more about divorce and remarriage. These are whole book subjects, and get short shrift here. I believe there are more remarriages now in the United States than first marriages each year. This book is primarily written from the perspective of someone marrying for the first time. The book also seems inconsistent. While arguing that women should lie down and let men have their way, the book draws the line at one instance of adultery by the husband. That means the marriage is over, even if you stay married. I feel that if a woman feels that way, she should be sure her husband knows that in advance. Most men I know wouldn't expect that reaction from their wives. I expect a marriage-ending reaction from my wife, because she has told me she feels that way. I think that's a good example of the importance of sharing what you think and how you feel with one another (although not overdoing it). I am a big fan of Dr. Phil McGraw's books, Relationship Rescue and the Relationship Rescue Workbook. I suggest that you read those books and do the exercises with your fiancee and spouse before you have problems. You will clear up a lot of potential misunderstandings that way. Avoid this rule-based approach. Provide a happy home for your spouse . . . and yourself by becoming a mutually-understanding, mutually-communicating, and mutually-supportive team who love one another in as many ways as possible. May God bless your marriage!
The Rules for Marriage will help any newlywed!, 07 Jan 2002
It is a great follow up for any Rules dating lady. The best advise is to treat your enlaws like a charity case, that you you don't loose your temper or get emotionally rumpled. It follows the simple formula of the first book and sticks to the basic principle that an empowered woman is more likely to keep a man intrigued. The Rules for Marriage is a good gift for a engaged friend, even if it is only given as a gag. She just may read it and live the ever sought happily-ever-after marriage.
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Customer Reviews
I no longer felt alone, 27 Jul 2008
The first chapter of this book made me cry... for the first time in years I felt that I was not alone and that someone else understood my problem.
The book is very balanced in its view and is very suitable for both couples (if you can get your other half to read it.. mine wouldnt!) but I would say that it is slightly biased towards the man being the "sex starved" partner.
Subsequently the author has written "The sex starved wife" which is much more specialised for women. Again.. that book is also very balanced.. but wow.. its amazing to know that youre not alone in this!
This book didnt solve my problems but it did help me understand that im not alone, also it gave me an insight into how my partner was feeling and why he might be behaving in this way.
I would thoroughly recommend this book for anyone who has a partner who has given up on the physical side of their relationship. thumbs up!, 10 Jul 2007
I only got this book yesterday but i spent about half an hour reading bits from different sections. I already feel a bit happier and know that this is the sort of book that can help as it is written in such a friendly, homely way, that makes you feel cared for. The author also shares her own experiences of this sort of problem. I look forward to reading the book properly and also sharing it with my bf! Read before you drop ya sprog and potentially save your marriage, 10 Aug 2008
This book was recommended to me as something to read before I gave birth. I am so glad I did because it made me understand in a light and humerous way why I reacted completely differently to things to do with the baby, from the way my partner did. If I hadn't have read this book I may have gladly walked out on my husband on a few occasions but thankfully this book made me realise he wasn't an uncaring monster just he was programmed differently to me. I think this is an incredibly important book to read if like me you don't have family to take you aside and warn you of what can happen to your marriage once a a baby arrives. Although saying that I have leant this to a few married friends that were having problems and since reading this book those problems ahve got a heck of a lot better for them. confirmation that I am normal and not insane!, 04 Feb 2008
This book has saved my sanity and brought me back from the edge of dispair! Who knew that so many other women feel the same way when they become mummies!!! This book echos the rants and moans of all my friends with babies, and it is a gentle reassurance that what you go through with a new baby is completely normal, and men, generally, are all the same! This is one of the best books I have read about parenting / babies etc and will bring a smile to your face if nothing else! I thought it was great, 26 Jun 2007
It touches on important subjects like the great divide between how men and women view life and marriage and children. It should not put you off having children because all of us know that it is worth all the effort. And isn't something that is written to help us through the troughs worthy of some commendation?
Well done girls. I personally think you did a great job.
Enough to put you off having children!, 23 May 2007
As a mum of an 8yr old son, we are planning our second child and thought I'd buy this book and try things differently this time round. And as I have an 8yr + age gap between my first born and our next child I felt a bit stale with "what to expect" (in a way)and want to feel more prepared this time round!
However I have to be honest and say - that even though this book is written with a great sense of humour, I am really glad I didn't read this book before having my first child. I personally found it to be enough to put anyone off having children, in the fear that it is worded in a way that your relationship is bound to be wrecked!
Yes, having children can be very stressful on your relationship with lots of arguements along the way. But I feel that your book goes a bit overboard and makes motherhood sound like an absolute nightmare! Well it isn't. Pretty good advice, 21 May 2007
Although it's nothing you can't find out on relationship websites this book is pretty good, concise, easy reading for the busy mums out there. Lots of good information in a good easy format, written with a touch of comedy. Full of good advice, anecdotes and tips - I'd recommend giving it a shot. Changed my way of thinking for the better, 24 May 2007
This book has changed my way of thinking and opened my eyes. I have been married for almost three years, and very happily too (although not without disagreements, I hasten to add). However, by reading this book, I found that there are ways that I can improve my marriage too. I cook, I clean and generally try to be a good wife. However, I can see that with familiarity you can begin to take each other for granted, try to get your own way all the time, not make the effort and forget to impress or dress up for your husband. It showed me that feeding your husband is much more than having food ready for him each evening. It is about making HIM your No.1 priority !!!!
As another reader said, the book is worth its weight in gold and I couldn't agree more. I will now be passing this book to my mother, as I often find my father confiding in me about `lack of respect' from my mother. I have been witness to my mother always raking up the past, dangling past failures in front of my father, constantly complaining and undermining him by calling him `stupid' at every opportunity. Never the other way around. I hope it does something to mend her ways after more than 30 years of marriage.
A must for newly weds!, 13 May 2007
I read this book in one sitting. I considered myself happily married but always had the usual gripes about my husband not being romantic enough, blah, blah, blah. Reading this book has been a revelation, it opened my eyes to the fact that I have a wonderful husband, and although he doesn't buy me flowers all the time he always washes up, runs my bath, etc., etc., which according to this book is his way of showing me he loves me. I have been taking him granted for so long, I'm just lucky he's stuck around long enough for me to find this book. It's not all about losing 'power', if anything treating your husband with more respect will actually give you more power because with a little respect and appreciation your husband will be willing to walk through fire for you. Can't recommend it enough. This book should be on the national curriculum, 27 Nov 2006
This is an excellent 'how to' book, which asks some pretty direct questions, and has a bold take on our contemporary culture - in other words she has not much positive to say about modern day feminist attitudes, that blame everyone except the person who is responsible, yourself!
She gives many tips and hints on what to do to take responsibility for the situation and how to improve it.
Much of what she writes seems like common sense, only, as we know, common sense is not that common!
I hope there will soon be a similar book for care and feeding of wives too.
Well worth it. Go buy it! The Ultimate Guide To Marriage, 24 Mar 2006
This book is a revelation - ALL women should read this whatever their circumstances. Feminists, at first glance, may baulk at the notion of this book. However, this book tells a few home truths about both genders and would be useful for anyone who has or had relationship problems. The book is really easy to read, with lots of real-life examples, and is worth more than its weight in gold!!! Insightful, straightforward and very valuable!, 13 Jan 2006
First of all, I listen Dr. Laura’s radio show only from time to time so I am not her “fan”. This book is actually written for women who chose to marry for men they love and respect. The author does NOT encourage men or women to stay in relationships with abuse issues! Moreover, it is written for women who really want to make their marriage a successful one. You probably know that every second marriage in the USA FAILS! That’s why as a happily married woman and a Ph. D. in Sexuality I consider this book to be a must read for its targeted audience. I was amazed to see how perfectly aware of men’s basic needs and psychology is Dr. Laura. The major piece of advice is to love, respect and take care of your husband! I do believe that this is the bare minimum of every successful relationship! Even today men’s life is still considered a lot less valuable, although good men and especially good husbands do their very best, challenge and push themselves to the maximum for US and our children and it’s no surprise that they die with tens of thousands from heart attack and other stress related diseases! That’s why I want to support 100% the author that men have proven starting from the Stone Age till nowadays that they at least deserve our respect, care and appreciation! Of course, this does NOT mean that YOU have to play the role of a wife-doormat! Dr. Laura didn't leave her career and job in order to be a housewife? That's why the book is more about PRIORITIES! You may stay all day at home and still your husband to be very dissatisfied with you. It could be exactly the opposite. It is up to YOU how much you invest in your “relationship bank account”. I think that many people have misunderstood Dr. Laura's advice on the common issue- the husband wants to have sex but she doesn’t want because she is tired, not in a mood, etc” I agree with the author that sex has a great importance for men and if you reject an intercourse they will feel as if you reject THEM! If you want to be a great wife you must NEVER allow this to happen. You may reject the intercourse but NOT and HIM! That’s the trick. In conclusion, I believe that this book has a lot to offer to women in the real non-feministic sense of this word. Allow me to strongly recommend you in addition the also bestseller “Scientifically guaranteed male multiple orgasms and ultimate sex” by Alan Ritz because it has delivered great value and results to my marriage and all of my clients. I dare say that both books can dramatically improve your marriage for better! Marilyn R. Barry Ph. D. in Sexuality
Great for improving any Romantic Relationship!, 23 Aug 2008
John Gottman is a respected expert on relationships who has done extensive research with married couples over the past two decades to determine why couples stay together or part. Although Gottman's book is about marriage, it has some excellent insights for understanding some of the important dynamics of long-term courting relationships. The book provides many exercises, quizzes, techniques and tips to understand and improve courting relationships.
Gottman notes that his years of research show that a lasting marriage results from a couple's ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship. He also notes that there are three different styles of conflict resolution that healthy couples usually adopt. They are: the validating marriage (couples compromise and calmly work out their problems attempting to satisfy both people), the conflict-avoiding marriage (couples agree to disagree and rarely confront issues head on), and the volatile marriage (couples conflict often and the results are passionate disputes).
John Gottman also discusses what he calls "The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse." These are the dangerous ways of interacting that sabotage attempts to communicate. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
Well written and informative, Gottman's research has uncovered some worthwhile and thought provoking ideas on long-term relationships. Understanding these concepts can be helpful when trying to understand oneself and when exploring long-term compatibility with a companion.
The Re-Discovery of Common Sense: A Guide To: The Lost Art of Critical Thinking
Seems quite sound, 25 Oct 2007
So many self-tests but doing them seemed worthwhile. I felt a lot better about my marriage after reading this book and evaluating the tests, as it seems a lot of what I worried about doesn't spell trouble, according to Gottman, and we seemed to be on a right track together. In areas for which the tests indicated improvement would help, it seems that focusing on a few practices goes a long way. Still, learning not to be defensive doesn't come easy. Avoiding "flooding" by calming techniques (breathe, breathe) seems to pay off a lot.
My impression is that Gottman's advice is valuable given how hard marriage can be. I appreciate that he avoids stereotypes and any system of speculations. I expect to return to this book now and then to try to keep on track.
Positive advice on strengthening your marriage, 01 Oct 2007
If you and your spouse are screaming at each other over what color to paint the downstairs bathroom, it might be a sign that your marriage is in danger - but then again, it might not. The fact that you argue is not the issue. Problems, conflicts and disagreements are inevitable and unavoidable in life and in a marriage. The key to a stable, healthy marriage is the way you air and resolve conflict. Dr. John Gottman studied hundreds of couples for more than 20 years to identify what, if anything, healthy and failing marriages have in common. Based on his research, the most innovative part of the book, he believes that he can predict with 94% accuracy which couples will stay together and which ones will fall apart. Failing marriages tend to follow the same downward spiral, a path that leads to loneliness, anger, negativity and, eventually, dissolution. Recognizing these destructive communication patterns is the first step back to a healthy relationship. Gottman's research, conclusions and recommendations hold up surprisingly well. We recommend his timeless advice to couples who want to avoid - or address - marital pitfalls.
Helpful for normal couples, 27 Aug 2006
This book pinpoints the key causes of marital deterioration based on scientific study and provides useful advice for normal partners who both have the potential to accept their mistakes, resolve their differences and take corrective action. It is not really useful for those people who have a mentally or physically abusive spouse who is unlikely to accept that there is a problem let alone change his or her behaviour. In this case, following the advice in this book is likely to erode any remaining relf-respect that the abused spouse may have. There are some rather stereotyped views expressed on subjects such as housework and discussion of realistic and creative solutions to the division of traditionally male and female dominated domestic chores is ignored.
This book cleared up many unanswered questions for me!!, 03 Jul 1999
This book has given me the knowledge of how to deal with problems in my future marriage and to prevent things from going bad. Before I read this book I didn't understand why my finance acted the way he did at times, now I do and understand.
Incredible reading, 12 Feb 2004
I've just finished reading this book and....wow! Currently going through a rocky period in my marriage, I honestly thought things could never get better. Reading this book has changed my thinking. It's reminded me of what I could lose, not to mention the affect a separation could have on our three year old daughter. My husband's going to read TSMM too. I hope he feels the same way.
Fantastic Book, 08 Nov 2003
Quick to read, yet packed with practical and thought provoking advice. This book now forms a major part of marriage preparation classes at our church. I would recommend this book to any couple.
Impartial advice on saving or leaving married life., 15 Nov 2001
This book does not cast judgements, it cites examples both good and bad of the various ways in which marraiges can break up and how, when approriate, they can be saved. It deals with many different causes of marraige problems, and how practically to deal with them. Most examples tend toward staying together and working the problems through, but is practical enough to suggest that all marraiges are not worth saving. I would recommend compulsory reading for both partners of a problem marraige before any decisions were made.
Real, practical, humourous, and a great read., 23 Apr 1999
Rob Parsons has done a great job. He has brought wit and humour, laughter and tears all together in a practical guide to family life. He shares real examples from his own experience and that of others in a way that is both enjoyable and challenging. This book has really helped our family. Go get it!
Too Many Rules Can Spoil the Marriage -- Trying Talking!, 24 Jul 2004
If I counted correctly, this book has 43 official rules, 20 subrules, more suggestions in an appendix, and 15 extra hints. The book is totally written from a women's perspective. The assumption is that men don't want to improve their marriages. Somewhere in the book, you will probably get an idea for how to handle part of your marriage better. On the other hand, the book treats marriage like it is a game to be played rather than a relationship to be developed, expanded, and nurtured. Men are to be kept satisfied in almost every possible way, and women are encouraged to complain to their married friends to get relief from being a doormat for men. The book is also based on the perspectives of the authors rather than on any scientific evidence. I graded the book up one star for the candor shown by admitting that one of the authors was separated from her husband. The book makes one statement that most would agree with. "The truth is, marriage isn't easy." You are encouraged to follow these rules without letting your husband know what's going on. The authors feel th | | |